the rays of the sun
by mistykasumi
Summary: After Kantou.


Title: the rays of the sun

Author: mistykasumi at mistykasumi at gmail dot com

Fandom: Tenipuri

Pairing: Sanada/Yukimura

Genre: General

Rating: PG

Summary: After Kantou.

Disclaimer: Not mine and not for profit.

Notes: Written for top_cagnotte in 2005. Beware! :p

* * *

Sanada is not surprised when Yukimura appears at his home. In fact, he has expected this. He did not go to the hospital after Yukimura's surgery, so Yukimura has come to him. Anything else would have shocked Sanada.

Yukimura's footsteps are silent, but Sanada senses him the moment he enters the courtyard. Sanada does not stop or even slow down, but he looks past his katana to Yukimura when his movements turn him in that direction.

Yukimura is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, and his tennis bag is slung over his shoulder. Sanada recognizes this as a silent challenge, but it's really more of a silent order. It _is _a challenge, but Sanada cannot not accept it. Yukimura is his buchou, and besides, he deserves it.

Yukimura watches Sanada silently as he practices, and Sanada can feel those sharp eyes on him, seeing into him. This is not the first time they have done this, but the atmosphere is different this time. Yukimura is disappointed at the very least, and Sanada feels guilty and ashamed, but he refuses to let this disturb his practice. He has already lost, but Sanada will not lose his dignity as well. Not from this. Sanada's movements remain brutally graceful and effortlessly quick, but he can feel an additional tension in his body, the conscious perception of which he ruthlessly suppresses.

When he finishes, Yukimura is sitting on the steps to the walkway. He is smiling, but it is a dangerous smile, edge honed like Sanada's katana. "You look good, as always," he says. Sanada thanks him, and Yukimura continues. "You'll play me now, Sanada?" Sanada nods yes.

The walk to the street courts is silent. Yukimura will not talk, and Sanada does not know what to say. Sanada feels oppressed by the weight of Yukimura's silence, which almost speaks more than anything he may say, and Sanada counters it by looking to his side and immersing himself in the familiarity of their surroundings. That way, it'll be easier to pretend when he's on the court, facing Yukimura.

Yukimura is still brilliant on the court, and Sanada is sure that he has practiced whenever he can the few days since he's been discharged. He is a bit slower than usual, his returns a bit duller and his serves a bit less impossible, but he is still stronger than Sanada despite Guillain-Barré and the surgery. Sanada has not expected anything else. Yukimura has been his goal since he first met him, a boy so beautiful in his deception and so strong in his passion and talent, a natural leader with a gentle mask, a ruthless opponent in the guise of fragility, and although Sanada does not completely understand Yukimura, does not think he ever will, he knows Yukimura.

The match is closer than usual, but Yukimura still wins. When they meet at the net and shake hands, Yukimura says, "Your moves seem a little…off. How long have you been playing like this?" Sanada does not answer because he does not know, but he thinks, _Since you've been diagnosed with Guillain-Barré_. But that answer is inappropriate right now, and by answering, Sanada will be acknowledging Yukimura's words, which he does not believe anyway. Yukimura doesn't seem to have expected an answer, though, because he continues after a slight pause. "We need to talk. Where do you want to go?"

This is one of the things Sanada loves about Yukimura. Despite his feelings, Yukimura is still gracious—he is letting Sanada choose a place that will be comfortable for him. It does not matter to Sanada, truly, but he remembers Yukimura mentioning a café he wants to visit during those last days before the surgery, so Sanada gives Yukimura the name of the café, and Yukimura's smile is now danger wrapped in fleece.

It is summer, and Sanada can feel the sweat drying on his skin. He remembers Yukimura once saying that summer is the best season to play tennis because you can just jump into a pool or take a shower afterward, and when he looks over, Yukimura has his hair tied up and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up. He looks just as beautiful as ever.

The trip to the café is still silent, but it is not as forbidding. They encounter a group of girls on the bus who immediately start whispering and giggling when they board, sneaking glances at them once in a while. Sanada merely pulls his cap down lower, but a smile tugs at Yukimura's lips. They are both standing, and Sanada can feel the contour of Yukimura's body in the air, only centimeters away from his. If he just reaches out, he can touch Yukimura, or if the bus lurches, Sanada can rest a hand on Yukimura's side and steady him, but Sanada cannot do anything intimate with Yukimura right now (and those fleeting touches have always been their way of intimacy), and they are in Japan, where buses do not lurch, not like they do in China (not that Sanada has been to China, but still. The driving there is almost legendary.).

The blinding smile Yukimura gives the girls as he exits the bus causes them to blush, and Sanada can hear Yukimura lightly laughing when he exits himself, the sound clear but faint. If this had been under some other circumstance, Yukimura would have said, _Don't you know? They are members of the tennis club regulars fan club_ or some other trivial thing like that. Sanada never remembers any of them; the only day girls are bold enough to approach him is Valentine's Day, and that's already one day too many for Sanada. Plus the sweets they give him are worthless, and he always gives them to someone else. Yukimura knows them, though, recognizes them at the very least, and Sanada knows because in first year, they had gone to Renji's house before White Day. Yukimura had written a note to everyone who gave him something, Renji had a list, but Sanada had absolutely no clue how much chocolate he needed to buy. Sanada told them that he had just planned to buy a lot of chocolate and tell girls who looked like they were expecting something from him to take one, and Yukimura had laughed, saying that this idea was so like Sanada. This is one of the reasons why Yukimura is so well-loved by everyone at Rikkai and Sanada not as much. Yukimura seems to care about everyone personally, and Sanada doesn't care for anything except tennis, martial arts, and grades.

Of course, they don't know either of them. What they think about Yukimura is almost guaranteed to be false, and what they think about Sanada is mostly true. Except he cares for Yukimura as well.

The café is in a Western style, unsurprisingly. The inside is moderately bright with quite a few hanging lamps, and the light reflects warm hues of brown from the walls. Couches and tables are scattered within the interior, and the atmosphere is cozy, almost intimate. Yukimura heads straight to the counter, passing by the glass display of dessert, and Sanada knows that he is thinking _Bunta would enjoy this place_.

Yukimura orders a latte and two pieces of cake (Sanada knows that at least one piece is for Marui), and Sanada orders regular coffee. Neither of them are particularly fans of coffee, but they both enjoy the atmosphere of cafés, and well, it's just strange not to order something if they are there.

After they receive their orders, Yukimura leads them to a table for two by the window. He allows Sanada to take a sip of his coffee before speaking. "You disappointed me, Sanada. I know you are ashamed of our loss to Seigaku, especially your own loss and how you couldn't keep our promise, and I'm disappointed by it, too. What disappoints me the most, though, is how I waited for you to come and tell me yourself, and you never did. Renji and Akaya came every day, and everyone else visited at least once, but you never even once stepped foot in my room, you who visited me every single day before the surgery. Do you know how I felt when the person I most wanted to see never appeared?" Sanada does not know, but he can imagine Yukimura lying in his hospital bed, waiting for that one figure he will not see. Sanada lingered outside Yukimura's room many times, knowing he needed to see Yukimura, and he once caught Renji exiting Yukimura's room; Renji had tried to persuade him to see Yukimura, had told him that Yukimura wanted to see him the most, but Sanada's shame always overcame anything else he felt. He didn't think about how Yukimura felt at all.

"I'm sorry," Sanada says. "I…hadn't thought of your feelings. All I could feel was my own shame, and I couldn't face you knowing how I had failed _us_. I…I wanted to see you and tell you I was glad the surgery was successful. I _am_ glad."

Yukimura sighs a little, and he says quietly, "Pride and honor are never everything, Sanada. I know you've been brought up to think they are, and that's true most of the time, but you need to realize that sometimes, it's not what you do but what you don't do that matters. The loss matters to me, but you not coming matters more. It only made everything worse."

Sanada does not really know how to reply because he has no defense at all against Yukimura, and that's generally the case in everything, so he pulls his cap lower and says "I'm sorry" again.

Yukimura's fingers on his hand cause him to look up. Yukimura's face has not changed, but neither does he pull his hand away. "I can't forgive you so easily, Sanada. You betrayed not just me but also the rest of the team, you betrayed the meaning of being part of the Rikkai Dai tennis club regulars, and I can't just say it's okay. It's not. But I want to take it step by step. I want to fulfill the promise we made in first year with Renji and everyone else, and I want to be able to make more promises with you."

Sanada nods, and Yukimura threads his fingers with Sanada's for one precious moment. "I haven't forgiven you yet as me _or_ as buchou, but nothing else has changed." The last clause he says in a soft tone, and Sanada believes him.

As they are leaving, Sanada notices someone in the café raising his pinky finger toward Yukimura, and he tells Yukimura this. Yukimura's laughter is rich and intense, and his smile does not fade. The sun is bright, and so is Yukimura, so full of talent and grace and beauty, and Sanada thinks, _This is worth everything._

05.11.20


End file.
